There are a multitude of reasons why people play Monsterpocalypse. For some, it’s a cheap alternative to another miniatures game, when you want to throw down some kaiju without throwing down a paycheck. For others, myself included, it’s the strategic aspect of dice management, screening, and all the little nuances that stretch your noggin. Chess with dice and all that. But for many people, the joy just comes from their love of giant monsters.

I’d be a liar if I said the aesthetic wasn’t a draw to this game; I’ve always been a sucker for 1950s science fiction serials and super robots. Put the two together, and then have them perform a suplex on Cthulhu, and I was hooked before my first game was even finished. I’ve been hearing from players, though, that they’re just not that familiar with the reference material. For that reason, I’ve collected and watched a couple movies that I think fit the Monsterpocalypse world to a tee. Some are fantastic, others aren’t. Here’s a sampling of what I thought are good entry level movies for Monpoc players from a variety of sources, and bite sized reviews to go with them.

Gojira (1954)

It would be criminal not to start here with the King of Monsters himself. Gojira (or Godzilla, as westerners probably know it) isn’t the first film to feature a giant monster; in fact, it’s actually kind of a rip-off of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, but it was an instrumental film in the development of the kaiju genre. Because all of the films I watched for this installment are available on Netflix instant watch, we’re discussing the subtitled version for this mini-review.

THE STORY:
The nuclear bombs at Hiroshima and Nagasaki have both woken up and horribly mutated a dinosaur hibernating on the ocean floor off the coast of Japan. Now he’s seriously pissed off, and he’s coming for delicious Japanese man-meat. We follow the stories of a handful of citizens and their relationship with the monster. Some want to study him, others want to kill him, and one has a bitchin’ eye patch.

THE GOOD:
+ If you’re going into this movie expecting the campy, kid friendly Godzilla we’re so used to today, I can confirm that it is possible to be pleasantly disappointed. No drop-kicks and no victory dances; this Godzilla is terrifying. Because it predates the clichés that would eventually solidify the kaiju genre, Gojira has the liberty of playing everything incredibly dark. The destruction of Tokyo (spoiler alert!) isn’t something that you to respond to with “Oh, Goji, you silly goose, again?” it’s a morbid festival of carnage that honestly left me a little uneasy after several minutes of watching people being flayed alive.

+The Godzilla franchise has never had memorable human characters, but this bunch manages to be some of the most dynamic in the movies’ fifty year history. Each manage to react to the crisis in a unique and interesting way, none of which are “AAAAUGHHHH!!!”. Hell, I actually managed to remember Serizawa’s name after finishing the film, which isn’t something I can say for any other character in any Godzilla movie I’ve ever watched.

THE BAD:
-Even though there are several interesting human characters, all of them seem to come and go mysteriously and without warning. Main characters disappear two thirds of the way in for no real reason, while others might show up for 30 seconds with no dialogue and then only get introduced properly 45 minutes later.

-The story tends to drag at points. We get it, Yamane; you don’t want to kill Godzilla. You’ve told us four times already, let’s move on.

FINAL RATING: 4.1 out of 5

It’s a classic to be sure, and from the viewpoint of a cinemaphile I can enjoy it thoroughly… but fun city-smashing romp it’s not.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

This one was a bit of a personal treat; it’s a bit of a pet favorite of mine. The fact that it fits magnificently into Monsterpocalypse lore was just icing on the cake. Interestingly, the story was originally planned to be released in short chapter installments like the 1930s serials it was based on, but that was eventually nixed. You can still see it in the way the plot unfolds, though. Pay attention and you can spot these “chapters” pretty easily.

THE STORY:
German scientists are vanishing, and ace reporter Polly Perkins has taken it upon herself to find out why (and get a good scoop, of course). Then, giant robots attack New York. Suddenly Polly is teamed up with her ex-flame Joe “Sky Captain” Sullivan and his special issue fighter plane. Together they get wrapped up in a mystery that takes them across the globe chasing after the elusive Dr. Totenkopf.

THE GOOD:
+ The sheer over-the-top-ness of this movie is what really what makes it memorable. My plot synopsis really doesn’t do it justice. Mad scientists, robots, dinosaurs, and more b-movie goodness than you can shake a stick at. It’s obvious the film crew really loved the genre they were paying homage to, while still appreciating how dumb it could sometimes be with a dash of tongue-in-cheek humor.

+Sky Captain is packed full of Easter eggs and cameos that reward you for multiple watches. King Kong and Godzilla both make blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearances.

+Angelina Jolie in an eyepatch.

THE BAD:
-The acting can sometimes be a little stiff, and occasionally a lot stiff. Gwyneth Paltrow allegedly agreed to be paid reduced wages just to get a part before even reading the finished script, so I guess her heart was in it, but from a critical standpoint her performance was just… uhh.

-The scenery of the film was made with cutting edge CGI… in 2004. While most of the time it looks great (much thanks to liberal use of bloom), there are times where the dated tech rears its uncanny valley head, especially when we see cars.

FINAL RATING: 3.6 out of 5

A shallow but entertaining love letter to b-movies and pulpy sci-fi, Sky Captain will definitely engross anyone who likes Monsterpocalypse, but to a general audience I understand why it was a bust.

Them! (1955)

This one came as a recommendation from my dad. Being the Savage Swarm player that I am, I figured it would be a disservice not to include THE giant bug flick in these reviews.

THE STORY:
New Mexico Police Sergeant Ben Peterson and his partner discover a trailer in the desert with its side blown out, its occupants murdered (save for a shell-shocked little girl who won’t speak a word) and all the sugar in the house haphazardly stolen. What starts as a crime thriller becomes something much stranger when the FBI and two scientists from the department of agriculture get involved.

Spoiler alert: it’s ants. They’re giant ants.

THE GOOD:
+The ant puppets are horrifying. It’s magnificent how disturbing these things manage to be. I’ve prepared the following diagram comparing them to a modern giant bug (and yes, I know scorpions aren’t bugs you nitpicky nerds) to demonstrate:





+Something that’s a rarity in today’s cinema is that Them! is a true science-fiction film. In today’s movies, science-fiction has changed definition from its original intention into “an action movie that happens to involve robots and or aliens”. District 9 comes close, but then they had to have a bunch of people blow up. Normally I’d say that stopping the action to have a character explain to the national government how anthills work would bog down the flick, but here it works and it’s a breath of fresh air. You learn something, and then you see someone get mutilated! Everyone wins!

+One of Leonard Nimoy’s first acting roles; have fun trying to spot him!

THE BAD:
-One character story arc concludes in a pretty lackluster way. Given how important he is, the way he’s written out is actually pretty weird.

-It should be par for the course in this genre, but some of the hammy acting can get a little NARM at times. “BURN IT! BURN IT ALLLLLLLL!!!!” comes to mind.

FINAL RATING: 5.0 out of 5

Honestly, I have a hard time complaining about anything in this movie. It accomplishes everything it sets out to do and delivers spectacularly. I rounded up a 4.95 due to some tiny nitpicks, but other than that this is b-movie science fiction at its finest. Definitely recommend.

Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

If we’re going to do the beginning, we may as well do the end, too. Final Wars was made both as a tribute to the fiftieth anniversary to the franchise as well as a (temporary) last send-off. As of right now, it’s the last Godzilla movie, but since the series has ended at least three times by now, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say we might see him again someday. What makes Final Wars so interesting is that the filmmakers went out of their way to stuff as many kaiju as they could fit into the movie. Chances are pretty damn good that if you have a favorite who isn’t a major villain, he or she is represented.

THE STORY:
Several years ago, humanity managed to seal Godzilla away underneath Antarctica. Since then, the Earth Defense Force (EDF) has been holding a war against the various other monsters still around. The EDF utilize mecha airships and human mutants with lasers to fight off these threats. The situation is manageable, if not good, until an alien race named the Xylians show up and take control of the minds of every monster and every mutant of earth, thanks to a special fifth genetic base found in both of them. As it turns out, the only monster without this “m-base” is…

THE GOOD:
+There’s no denying that this is the best looking Godzilla film to come out of Japan. Clocking in at $19,500,000, Final Wars is the most expensive Godzilla yet, and it shows. There is still the inherent cheese that comes with suitmation, but that’s a stylistic choice and frankly, any kaiju fan should be used to it by now.

+Twenty-three monsters appear in this film. Short of a couple that most people probably wouldn’t mind forgetting anyway (sorry, Megalon), just about every monster you can think of gets screen time. Even my personal favorite, Hedorah, who hasn’t been seen in decades, rears his gooey head.

+Kazuki Kitamura’s eyebrows. Trust me, they’re magnificent.

THE BAD:
-If you didn’t like the Matrix, prepare to roll your eyes constantly. If you did like the Matrix, you’re in luck. You’ll only be rolling them frequently. This movie rips off so much crap from that flick that you’ll swear you’re watching Neo vs. Godzilla. In fact, Masahiro Matsuoka actually manages to look like a Japanese Keanu Reeves. It’s baffling.

-There’s far too much human babbling that cuts into what everyone who watches this movie actually wants to see, and that’s monster fighting. The EDF, barring a certain mustachioed exception, are bland soulless lumps who drain out screen time like a sieve.

-The sheer number of monsters, combined with the large amount of focus on humans, actually works against the movie in spots, because there just isn’t enough time to dedicate to everyone. Godzilla plows through enemies at lightning speed to the point where most fights only last a few minutes.

FINAL RATING: 2.9 out of 5

Final Wars tries to please the hardcore fans with cameos and mythology gags while also trying to please outsiders with a plot that focuses on human badasses (EUGHHH) and a soundtrack that features Sum 41 (they actually get special mention in the opening credits for one song). It doesn’t do either all that well.


If any of these sound interesting to you, all four are available on Netflix Instant Watch. I wouldn’t say that any of them are straight up bad movies, and all of them should at least be an entertaining way to spend an evening. If you liked this break from strategy talk, or you’ve got a movie to recommend me, drop by the forums or shoot me an email. I’m always up for sitting in front of my TV.

Now, onward to Big in Japan!

---